a breaking heart....

Today is a day I will never forget. Today my sweet friend Jenna gave birth to her son, Madden Hayes, at 32 weeks old. Madden was diagnosed with a rare disease that meant Death Baring. Jenna has known for the last 12 weeks that her sweet boy that she has loved since the moment she found out she was pregnant was going to die at birth if not sooner. It wasn't even one of those 5% cases....it was a God would have to do the miraculous for him to live. We believed and prayed for a miracle all the while knowing that it may not happen. Jenna's water broke this morning and by 9:30 she had given birth to a beautiful baby boy. He lived for 15 minuets. Jenna prayed she would at least be able to see/hold him alive and that prayer came to fruition, praise the Lord. I wasn't expecting to be able to visit her in the hospital as she had not wanted people there but she had changed her mind and there I was driving to see her. As I walked in the room, room 5, there was a courageous friend holding her first born son in her arms. I could see the love in her eyes. My heart instantly sank, afraid I would not know what to say but you just say, you just do. She talked all about the delivery and how grateful she was that things went smoothly. What? she was grateful for something while she held her baby that had passed away? She has blown me away. Her love for the Lord has never wavered. She trusts the Lord. She honors the Lord. She Loves the Lord with all her heart mind and soul. She has been such an example to others. I can't describe how proud I am of her. Never for a moment did I think I would get to hold Madden. It would never be something I would ask just like I didn't ask to visit either. As I was leaving after spending time with her she asked if I would like to hold him. I was honored. I will never forget those moments. I will never forget the chance to hold him. Sweet baby Madden I am so grateful you are now pain free dancing with your savior and Heavenly Father. I can not wait to see you in your healthy body. You were a light while you grew in your mommy's tummy and for the time here on earth! To my sweet friend Jenna, you are one amazing women. You are a selfless mother and a beautiful person inside and out. I am lucky to get to be your friend. I will be holding and squeezing and loving on Hope even more today and for the weeks to come as I think of Jenna's loss. Until next time....